Work, Work, Work

My thoughts are for the most part jumbled. Like cereal in a bowl.Somehow that description came into my mind. I have always had a hyperactive imagination. Some would say that imagination is a good thing because it keeps our creativity flowing. Okay, fine I guess that’s true. But it kind of comes at a cost. If you are someone like me, Losing focus will become an essential part of your life. You would probably have a very withdrawn behavior with a tendency to avoid people. You would always have a dreamy look on your face and think about issues that only your care about. In fact, the rest of the world wouldn’t matter to you because you and your own personalized fairytale dome would matter more. You make up stories in your head, you daydream, you space-out, people get met the list goes on and on and on. I have to admit this, I have wasted my time on this planet doing nothing productive. I often wonder where the time went or why I was just never that much aware of things. It’s sad and it also says something about me. It shows that I am me. I was born this way everything I have done is purely based on my mental state. I can’t overcome it and I can’t make it better. It’s a day to day struggle.

I have to deal with the repercussions of being myself and it sucks because when I do look at the lives of others, I tell many of them are living it up. While I’m just here pondering over what a complete failure I am. I failed. I have failed. I have been failing. I cannot deny that. I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for things and right now I’m just trying okay, I am trying to make the most of my time on this earth but life kind of seems like a long stretch of boring nothingness. I never really got to stay a kid for long, though, I was always too anxious about everything. Panicky, flighty, moody, angry, quiet, deceptive, manipulative. Gosh, I have never been comfortable. There were times when I would consider the prospects of counseling or therapy but I just never did it. I am also incredibly stubborn. Yes, I am a lot of work.

 

 

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