I painted this on January 3rd, 2017. It is actually taken from a picture of myself having almost the exact same pose as depicted in this painting. It took me the entire afternoon to paint and by the time I was done I was so exhausted. I’m not going to lie, I actually enjoy drawing and painting myself, It is a very personal time for me to reflect on my life. Which is one of the hardest things for me to do because there isn’t much for me to be proud of. I actually was deeply affected from painting this both physically and mentally. Just looking at this picture countless times simply makes me really sad because when I look at the girl in this picture I do not recognize her.The self-assured expression itself is unfamiliar.The direction of her eyes itself gives the impression that she knows where she is headed.As if she already knows what to do. Its a sort of confidence I failed to maintain as I got older. It got me thinking ” What happened?” Why wasn’t I like her anymore? I don’t know! Somewhere down the road, I lost my way and I lost her. She looked so happy and carefree, I am the total opposite of this girl in so many ways. It was hard trying to paint her, in fact, I almost teared up a bit because I started recalling all her hopes and dreams. Things that were never fulfilled or attempted. I think she would have been really disappointed.
I couldn’t get the exact consistency of the colours, so it was a lot of trial and error. I used mostly pastel shades with black and brown. It wasn’t easy trying to replicate the hair as well because I couldn’t really follow the lighting that was in the photograph.The mysterious smile on her face portrays a child who is very aware of the things taking place around her. As if she knows what is going to happen or what is happening at present. Every time I look at this painting I get really frustrated because I get reminded of the past and I wonder might have been if I had just done it right.